Please note: The sarcasm and derision regarding pre “rolled” cones and the associated “conesumers" are the opinions of the author alone and do not represent the views of and are not condoned by scoobdoob21.com or Scoobies Doobies.
There’s a meme making the rounds on the internet that accurately sums up a low-key crisis in the under 35 cannabis community. “The way I feel watching people buy pre ‘rolled’ cones must be how my grandfather felt watching people pay for an oil change” (please excuse the paraphrasing, the message remains the same). This is one of the truest statements on the internet right now. To a seasoned (AKA – old) cannabis consumer the Lost Art of the “J” is one of the most lamentable results of legal cannabis. The saturating ubiquity of the pay to play doobie has changed the relationship of the typical consumer to their cannabis for a perceptible majority of this generation.
Prior to the long overdue legalization wave finally sweeping the nation, to enjoy a quality joint there were only two options. Option 1: Know someone that had already exercised option 2 and have them roll a joint (that is definitely going to be smoked with them). Option 2: Devote countless hours and boxes of rolling papers to learning on your own. Cannabis will be wasted in joints that just didn’t smoke right. Entire reams of rolling papers crumpled and tossed into ashtrays with the sighs of wasted efforts and the loss of valuable seshing time. Finally, one day, that perfectly dried (but not too dry) flower, oddly flat paper and unusually limber fingers all combine to roll that first joint of beauty. Not just toke able. Not merely okay. A finely crafted beauty. It is almost a shame to fire it up.
The connection between the consumer and their cannabis is certainly not being cultivated in today’s pre “rolled” cone culture. Except in the case of an extremely knowledgeable and astute consumer it is extremely difficult to identify the rare commercially available cone that was made with ground fresh whole flower among so many that have been stuffed with dried out sugar leaves and shake dumped from the bottom of a 5-pound bag. Choosing a pre-manufactured cone over the purchase of whole flower eliminates a whole range of experiences. This consumer will never even know the range of colors produced by that phenotype. The “conesumer" is never going to know the pleasure of breaking sections of flower from the stem and experiencing the range of sights and smells produced by this creative destruction.
The “get me high right now” style cannabis connoisseur will likely never know the joy of taking a flower that smells something like burnt rubber and industrial glue on the outside and discovering that it takes on a more floral or citrus smell by the time it has been removed from the stems and ground to a pile of fluff ready to be carefully crafted into a flammable work of art. This phenomenon and countless more like it are part of the overall cannabis consumption experience. The commercial pre “rolled” cone movement will rob an entire generation of the intimate relationship with their cannabis that is required to fully appreciate the natural wonders encased within this miracle plant.
The importance of reviving the Lost Art of the J cannot be understated. Whether you call it a bogie, camber well carrot, doobie, fatty, hogger, jay, muggle, reefer, spliff, torpedo or zoot – the act of breaking down your flower, spreading it carefully and creating a temporary masterpiece is an important part of cannabis culture. This ritual connects the current generation of cannabis lovers to those that came before us. Learn to roll your own, even if it’s poorly – you will get better. The trailblazers of cannabis culture did not, under any circumstances, risk their lives, families, and freedom for an entire generation to be satisfied consuming bottom fluff and stuff scooped out of trim bins.